When you hear the word ‘addiction’ what’s the first thing that pops into your head? Addiction to drugs, alcohol, hoarding, sex, etc.? Yes, those are powerful addictions and you may or may not know someone who battles with those types of struggles. But what if I told you there were other addictions that were just as serious that you’ve probably more often than not been guilty of falling into? The unknown addiction I’m going to talk about today is the addiction to disappointment.
Disappointment? An addiction? Really? Who honestly is addicted to being let down? If you’re thinking those thoughts I was right there with you. Disappointment could not be an addiction. But then I started looking at my own life. Why am I feeling so sad? Why do I always fear the worst instead of hope for the best? How come I always allow self-fulfilling prophecies to control my life? When things look like they are going to work out, how come I always look for ways to see how it could all immediately fall apart? I was addicted—an addict of disappointment.
In 2008 an incredible movie called, ‘Last Chance Harvey,’ starring Dustin Hoffman and Emma Thompson was released. ‘Last Chance Harvey’ brings out the truth about the addiction people can have with disappointment. I would like to quote Emma Thompson’s character, Kate, “I'm not gonna do it, because it'll hurt! Sometime or other there'll be, you know ‘It's not working.’ or ‘I need my space.’ or whatever it is and it will end and it will hurt, and I won't do it.” She then sums up the addiction to disappointment perfectly, “I think I'm more comfortable with being disappointed. I think I'm angry at you for trying to take that away.” I had seen ’Last Chance Harvey’ many times and it wasn’t until the last time that I recently watched it that those line popped out to me.
I remember hearing several times throughout my life that if you expect the best to happen and it doesn’t you’ll just be really depressed and despondent—so why not just expect the worst and if something better happens then you can really rejoice? It made sense, in theory. I mean, what better way to avoid being disappointed then to just accept it? Now, re-read that sentence again. It doesn’t make sense. How can you avoid something you’re already embracing?
Now that I realized I’m addicted to being disappointed I wanted to pinpoint where this addiction was the most prominent. What seemed to always, without fail, allow disappointment to take over my whole life? Well, that was the only simple part of this whole ordeal—love.
Throughout my K-12 schooling years I was always bullied, especially in Junior High. Every day I was reminded that I was ugly, a loser, a faggot, and many other derogatory remarks. I didn’t know how to cope, I just sunk into depression and allowed myself to accept what everyone perceived of me. So, naturally, when relationships came up I’d always accept that no one could ever love me—I was ugly, I was a loser, I was a faggot, I was a nobody. Still, though, I longed to believe that someone out there could maybe tolerate me for who I was—regardless of whether or not they found me attractive.
Disappointment had allowed me to start making self-fulfilling prophecies about my life, about what would happen and how I’d always get the short end of the stick in every aspect of my life. I didn’t argue that it wasn’t fair because I knew there was nothing I could do about it. I just threw my hands up in the air and accepted that this was as good as it would get. In love, I scarcely ever tried to go for the type of person I knew would make me happy. I tried sticking to people I knew would only hurt me and leave me—for these people allowed me to feel the disappointment that had become a strangely and depressingly welcomed friend.
Disappointment, as many of you may know, is best friends with depression—the two pretty much go hand-in-hand. As the expression goes, misery loves company. Looking back on all of those lonely nights I spent with disappointment and depression, watching every relationship I attempted fall apart and becoming despondent was a coping mechanism. Everyone I care for may leave me in the end, but at least disappointment will always be there even if all it has to say is, “I told you so! I told you that you’d only get hurt in the end.”
Quoting Emma Thompson’s character, Kate, once again, “I think I'm more comfortable with being disappointed…” that’s really what it all come down to—disappointment is comfortable! I don’t want to fall any further into my depression so why not just stay comfortably disappointed. Sure, I’m not really happy and I’m certainly not going for what could make me happy—but at least I don’t have to worry about failing miserably and being even worse off then I am now, because that’s most definitely what would happen if I got out of my comfort zone of disappointment. Let’s say it all together: That’s a lie!!!!
The saying that life is what you make it never honestly made sense to me. I wanted my life to be happy and fulfilling, but every time I took a chance I always ended up deeper into depression. So, how could life be what you make of it? Well, that’s where the secret comes in! I’m sure you’ve all heard of the best-selling book on the teachings of the Law of Attraction, The Secret. Basically what the Law of Attraction states is that whatever you focus on—whether it be positive or negative—you’ll receive. Our minds are powerful tools, capable of so many amazing feats. Every day we’re shaping our lives, whether it be for the betterment or ourselves or the worsening.
Well, that’s great! You’re saying that I can actually find someone that will truly love me, accept me, and think I’m the greatest?! But how is it possible? I don’t feel like I’m all that special. I don’t see why anything that great would happen to me. I certainly am not worthy of such a blessing. Stop there! Remember, what you think is what you get! A powerful tool to implement the Law of Attraction and bring results even quicker is tapping. Now, I’m not talking about tap dancing, although I’m sure that could be a fun thing to do. No, tapping is a very spiritual experience. To quickly sum it up, there are several pressure points on the human body. During tapping you tap on these pressure points and say positive affirmations—negative things you’d like to release or positive things you’d like to see come into fruition. I will post an introduction video to tapping below, I really hope you’ll try it out. At first it does seem silly, but trust me when I say that it really works.
Now, let’s get back to ‘Last Chance Harvey.’ Kate Walker has always been disappointed in love and has, thus, become comfortable with that disappointment. But one man—Harvey Shine—who also has been unlucky in love and other aspects of life, shows her that even though life is sometimes full of disappointment there’s always another chance to prove yourself and that you should never just give up. The two find new meaning in life with each other and a beautiful romance blossoms, whilst disappointment finally perishes.
In closing, I’d like to tell you to stay strong. I know how it feels to constantly be disappointed and let down. Sometimes it seems like the sun will never come up—but it does and it will. Trust me, when the sun comes up after a dark period it’s the most beautiful and glorious thing you’ll see. As for me, I’m letting go of disappointment. Finally I can see that I’m an incredible person. I’m beautiful and I’m worthy of real love, I should accept nothing less. So, as I release this disappointment I am opening up my heart to the joys of real happiness and fulfillment. May you find this to in your journey.
Life is Beautiful.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nebxoNl5iKI&feature=plcp&context=C334d0bcUDOEgsToPDskJqXhF7w6YIctJqRSGweNBJ
