The Unknown Addiction

When you hear the word ‘addiction’ what’s the first thing that pops into your head? Addiction to drugs, alcohol, hoarding, sex, etc.? Yes, those are powerful addictions and you may or may not know someone who battles with those types of struggles. But what if I told you there were other addictions that were just as serious that you’ve probably more often than not been guilty of falling into? The unknown addiction I’m going to talk about today is the addiction to disappointment.
Disappointment? An addiction? Really? Who honestly is addicted to being let down? If you’re thinking those thoughts I was right there with you. Disappointment could not be an addiction. But then I started looking at my own life. Why am I feeling so sad? Why do I always fear the worst instead of hope for the best? How come I always allow self-fulfilling prophecies to control my life? When things look like they are going to work out, how come I always look for ways to see how it could all immediately fall apart? I was addicted—an addict of disappointment.
In 2008 an incredible movie called, ‘Last Chance Harvey,’ starring Dustin Hoffman and Emma Thompson was released. ‘Last Chance Harvey’ brings out the truth about the addiction people can have with disappointment. I would like to quote Emma Thompson’s character, Kate, “I'm not gonna do it, because it'll hurt! Sometime or other there'll be, you know ‘It's not working.’ or ‘I need my space.’ or whatever it is and it will end and it will hurt, and I won't do it.” She then sums up the addiction to disappointment perfectly, “I think I'm more comfortable with being disappointed. I think I'm angry at you for trying to take that away.” I had seen ’Last Chance Harvey’ many times and it wasn’t until the last time that I recently watched it that those line popped out to me.
I remember hearing several times throughout my life that if you expect the best to happen and it doesn’t you’ll just be really depressed and despondent—so why not just expect the worst and if something better happens then you can really rejoice? It made sense, in theory. I mean, what better way to avoid being disappointed then to just accept it? Now, re-read that sentence again. It doesn’t make sense. How can you avoid something you’re already embracing?
Now that I realized I’m addicted to being disappointed I wanted to pinpoint where this addiction was the most prominent. What seemed to always, without fail, allow disappointment to take over my whole life? Well, that was the only simple part of this whole ordeal—love.
Throughout my K-12 schooling years I was always bullied, especially in Junior High. Every day I was reminded that I was ugly, a loser, a faggot, and many other derogatory remarks. I didn’t know how to cope, I just sunk into depression and allowed myself to accept what everyone perceived of me. So, naturally, when relationships came up I’d always accept that no one could ever love me—I was ugly, I was a loser, I was a faggot, I was a nobody. Still, though, I longed to believe that someone out there could maybe tolerate me for who I was—regardless of whether or not they found me attractive.
Disappointment had allowed me to start making self-fulfilling prophecies about my life, about what would happen and how I’d always get the short end of the stick in every aspect of my life. I didn’t argue that it wasn’t fair because I knew there was nothing I could do about it. I just threw my hands up in the air and accepted that this was as good as it would get. In love, I scarcely ever tried to go for the type of person I knew would make me happy. I tried sticking to people I knew would only hurt me and leave me—for these people allowed me to feel the disappointment that had become a strangely and depressingly welcomed friend.
Disappointment, as many of you may know, is best friends with depression—the two pretty much go hand-in-hand. As the expression goes, misery loves company. Looking back on all of those lonely nights I spent with disappointment and depression, watching every relationship I attempted fall apart and becoming despondent was a coping mechanism. Everyone I care for may leave me in the end, but at least disappointment will always be there even if all it has to say is, “I told you so! I told you that you’d only get hurt in the end.”
Quoting Emma Thompson’s character, Kate, once again, “I think I'm more comfortable with being disappointed…” that’s really what it all come down to—disappointment is comfortable! I don’t want to fall any further into my depression so why not just stay comfortably disappointed. Sure, I’m not really happy and I’m certainly not going for what could make me happy—but at least I don’t have to worry about failing miserably and being even worse off then I am now, because that’s most definitely what would happen if I got out of my comfort zone of disappointment. Let’s say it all together: That’s a lie!!!!
The saying that life is what you make it never honestly made sense to me. I wanted my life to be happy and fulfilling, but every time I took a chance I always ended up deeper into depression. So, how could life be what you make of it? Well, that’s where the secret comes in! I’m sure you’ve all heard of the best-selling book on the teachings of the Law of Attraction, The Secret. Basically what the Law of Attraction states is that whatever you focus on—whether it be positive or negative—you’ll receive. Our minds are powerful tools, capable of so many amazing feats. Every day we’re shaping our lives, whether it be for the betterment or ourselves or the worsening.
Well, that’s great! You’re saying that I can actually find someone that will truly love me, accept me, and think I’m the greatest?! But how is it possible? I don’t feel like I’m all that special. I don’t see why anything that great would happen to me. I certainly am not worthy of such a blessing. Stop there! Remember, what you think is what you get! A powerful tool to implement the Law of Attraction and bring results even quicker is tapping. Now, I’m not talking about tap dancing, although I’m sure that could be a fun thing to do. No, tapping is a very spiritual experience. To quickly sum it up, there are several pressure points on the human body. During tapping you tap on these pressure points and say positive affirmations—negative things you’d like to release or positive things you’d like to see come into fruition. I will post an introduction video to tapping below, I really hope you’ll try it out. At first it does seem silly, but trust me when I say that it really works.
Now, let’s get back to ‘Last Chance Harvey.’ Kate Walker has always been disappointed in love and has, thus, become comfortable with that disappointment. But one man—Harvey Shine—who also has been unlucky in love and other aspects of life, shows her that even though life is sometimes full of disappointment there’s always another chance to prove yourself and that you should never just give up. The two find new meaning in life with each other and a beautiful romance blossoms, whilst disappointment finally perishes.
In closing, I’d like to tell you to stay strong. I know how it feels to constantly be disappointed and let down. Sometimes it seems like the sun will never come up—but it does and it will. Trust me, when the sun comes up after a dark period it’s the most beautiful and glorious thing you’ll see. As for me, I’m letting go of disappointment. Finally I can see that I’m an incredible person. I’m beautiful and I’m worthy of real love, I should accept nothing less. So, as I release this disappointment I am opening up my heart to the joys of real happiness and fulfillment. May you find this to in your journey.
Life is Beautiful.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nebxoNl5iKI&feature=plcp&context=C334d0bcUDOEgsToPDskJqXhF7w6YIctJqRSGweNBJ

A Walk In These Heels

This week something happened at my work that really opened my eyes, touched my heart, and made me view many things in a whole different light. I work at retail store called Ross Dress For Less, I'm sure you've heard of it. I like to view Ross as a melting pot for all different types of people—I think the best part of working there is being able to socialize with people from all walks of life. But, unfortunately, the story I am about to tell you isn't pleasant...
We're at Ross following two lovely women who are picking out some dresses to try on in the fitting room. This shopping trip is obviously therapeutic and fun, they're enjoying life. But, as usual, people stare at these women—sometimes even gawk at them. They've become used to it. It's Utah, after all, and many people are still stuck in their very small worlds.
As soon as the women have their dresses picked out they go to the fitting room eager to try them on. The fitting room attendant is uncomfortable—she can only see men in drag, just like many other people. Believing that they shouldn't go into the women's fitting room she tries to point them towards the men's. Of course, they're women now and, as such, want to go where they belong. The fitting room attendant, not sure what to do, calls for one of the new managers to come to the fitting room and help her with this 'problem.'
By the time the manager shows up the women have come back to the fitting room to try on some more dresses they've found—they're happy and unaffected. This is supposed to be a fun, therapeutic shopping trip after all. But that's when the manager, who has little to no experience, stands like a Nazi by the men's fitting room and tries forcing the women into the men's area. The one woman, astonished that anyone could act so cold and rude, informs the manager that she won't go into the men's fitting room. The manager, however, still won't relent. He keeps throwing the women dirty looks and making them feel unwelcome and belittled. The woman then went as far as to show the manager her driver's license which legally declared her a female. But still the manager wouldn't accept it.
Now, these women probably knew something like this could happen. I mean, they know just as well as the next guy that Utah is a little slow on the acceptance train. But the one woman was heartbroken. You see, all her life she's had severe depression and self-image problems. She's always disliked the person staring back at her. Honestly, it wasn't until recently when she'd actually started accepting and loving the person she'd become. But the human self-esteem is a very fragile thing. One upsetting moment, no matter how big or how small it may be, can damage the psyche of a person and set them back several huge steps. This is one of those moments for that woman.
Naturally, what the manager, employees, and other customers did really hurt these women to the point that they decided just to leave. Their fun and therapeutic day of shopping was cut short and made into a very horrible day that they will probably never forget.
I wasn't there when this happened, but their story affected me. It hurt me to hear people I considered friends talk so coldly and callously about people who they perceived as different and immoral. My eyes were suddenly opened, as well as the eyes of the Ross management. Unfortunately, however, no matter what Ross does this episode will always stick with those women. Since that event the management has informed everyone to let the customer choose where they feel the most comfortable going when they enter the fitting room.
The women, however, knew that they needed more justice than that. So, that's when they called corporate to report the manager who had been so cruel to them. Corporate, sadly, couldn't nor wouldn't do anything except slap that manager on the wrist—although they did assure the women that severe punishment would be delivered.
Now, if you'll recall earlier I stated that this situation really opened my eyes. I'd like to take a moment and explain why and how it did so. My whole life I always knew I was different. I didn't know exactly how different but I just knew I didn't really fit in with the other boys and girls. I was always bullied and teased—my nickname from many was faggot. I didn't know why people thought I was gay...I couldn't be like that! I was a good, LDS, boy. I knew that homosexuality was a sin so how could I be like that?
As much as I tried to deny it, as much as I feared it, I always knew I was attracted to other boys. I'd always have these feelings pop up that weren't appropriate for a young, straight guy to be feeling. But I tried to dismiss the feeling, I repented for ever having those feelings. But they'd always come back. Still, I chose to live in denial because it was safer to hide who I was then to accept it and be chastised.
Unfortunately, by doing this I ended up badly hurting others and to this day I am still sorry because I did end up hurting someone I deeply loved because of a truth I refused to acknowledge. But through all of that I realized that I had to start accepting myself—every part of myself. So, in September of 2009 I came out of the closet to the shock of many family and friends—although some always did expect it and weren't shocked at all.
Suddenly, I was in a whole new world. I was free to be me. It was one of the most liberating moments of my life. But, still, I had a lot to work on. I had a lot of bad stigma still attached with the LGBT community, I was taught to believe that their life was a life of reckless abandon and sin. Now, here I was a new member to the community. Eventually, however, I easily began to accept the LGB community. I knew that God created us this way and that we were perfect the way we are. But I couldn't say I felt the same way about the transgendered community.
How could anyone be transgendered? That's blasphemy to God! Those were my exact thoughts. I felt like if anything was a sin that was probably it. But aha! Look at me now! I'm the one passing judgment and trying to put a group down. So, I figured the best thing to do was to just drop the whole thought and forget about it. I hadn't accepted the transgendered community, but I hadn't chastised them either. It was just something that was there, if that makes any sense. I was merely neutral.
So, back to the story, a couple of days later while I was at work I was asked to cover the fitting room attendants lunch before my shift ended. It's an easy job so, of course, I agreed. That's when the women came back. They then asked me if the one manager still worked at Ross and I told them that unfortunately he still did. I could tell that the one woman, who was deeply affected by what the manager did, was crushed by the news that he wasn't punished or fired. But they still went to try on their dresses, they probably wondered if I'd try to stop them from entering the women's fitting room...but I knew that's where they belonged. But, of course, immediately after they entered a couple of women exited and complained to management.
While they were in there I started feeling these urges to tell them how beautiful and amazing they were I wanted to apologize for the small-mindedness of people. I wanted to take all of their pain, hurt, and regret away. I wanted to tell them that God loves them and that He created them and that if they felt they were meant to be women that that was okay and that God would accept it and love them anyways, because maybe something did go wrong. Maybe just maybe they were meant to be women!
Soon, the fitting room attendant I was covering for came back and it was time for me to go but I was determined to stay until I could talk to the women. I knew in my heart that it was something I had to do not just for them, but for me as well. I knew I had to finally step forward and accept, love, and welcome the transgendered community.
Eventually, I got my chance and finally was able to talk to the women. Their stories broke my heart, the things they went through were pretty much the same things I went through. We weren't different at all. We were the same in so many ways. My heart suddenly felt a million times bigger, I felt so much love for these women. I accepted them and I knew in my heart that God does and always has as well. He was waiting for me to stop judging and to finally love. I feel that he brought these women here for a reason, and that they were there to teach me a lesson that has truthfully changed my whole life.
Before, I left to clock out I gave those women a huge hug and I wanted to kiss them as well. We talked about so many things it felt like they were two of my closest friends. I then realized that those women were the nicest people I'd met in quite some time, the women that people thought were immoral and sinful were actually, in my opinion, closer to God than they were. Naturally, a few of my fellow co-workers had some snide remarks to say to me after they saw that I was carrying out a conversation with the women. It broke my heart again, but it also made me feel bad for them. God tells us in the Holy Bible to "Love thy neighbor, as thyself." So, I guess you can say that there is sin being committed here—but it's not by the transgendered community, no, it's by the people who aren't loving, accepting, and welcoming them.
In closing, I just want to tell my community, the LGBT community, that I love you! To my transgendered brothers and sisters, I want you to know I love and accept you! I'm so sorry that it has taken me so long to move forward, but I am now an avid defender and friend and you'll always find acceptance and love from me. So, please, everyone let's stop hating and start loving. Life is much too short. We're all one. We are all children of God. We are all brothers and sisters. Stop judging, let go of all that hate and just love thy neighbor as thyself because then, and only then, that's where we'll discover pure unconditional love taking control of the earth.
Life Is Beautiful.

Haunted by Bullying Part 1

As I write this blog I have to fight to hold back tears. The year is 2010, before long it will be 2011, so I guess that’s why I’m so broken up about this—to think that something like this could still be going on. What exactly am I talking about? Bullying. I’m sure you’ve heard recently about the gay teens who committed suicide due to bullying from their peers. These bullies were probably admired in their community. They were thought of as good people when, in harsh retrospect ,they helped destroy a life by the words they spoke and the violence they invoked.
These stories really hit home for me—because I, too, was a victim of bullying all throughout my Jr. High School years. I’m sure that you’ve heard that saying, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me,” well, I’m here to tell you that that saying is completely false. In reality, physical wounds inflicted will heal over time whereas the words that these bullies throw will stay with a person forever. I can still hear the voices of my bullies calling me harsh names, I can still see their faces as they looked at me like I was somehow less than human.
In Jr. High I was a class clown. I loved to make people laugh. If you weren’t laughing, I wasn’t doing my job right. If I could brighten up someone’s day then mine, in turn, would brighten. I always treated everyone with respect and tried to be friends with all I met. Unfortunately, a lot of people just didn’t like me. The first attack all of my bullies made was on my sexuality— “faggot,” “gay,” “homo,” “fairy.” I didn’t understand why they were saying these things. Honestly, I didn’t know anything about sexuality. I knew I had somewhat of an attraction to boys, but I assumed that was normal. I certainly never did anything that would’ve led anyone to believe I was gay. After they would attack my sexuality they’d go in for their next attack, my appearance—“ugly,” “fugly,” etc.
There were times I just began to quietly sob at my doorstep after school, trying to get all the tears out and put on a happy front so that no one would suspect I was miserable and hated waking up each day. One time I remember doing this and finally, once I was done crying, I wiped away the last tear and told myself to fake yet another smile. As I entered my home, though, and seen the drama that was taking place I broke down. I was so embarrassed. My family had enough problems without me bringing my own problems down on them. Needless to say, that’s when I came clean and told them what was happening at school.
The next day at school we made all the necessary moves to ensure that the bullying would be put to a stop. We spoke with my principal, assistant principal, guidance counselor, some faculty and the school cop—surely with this powerhouse of people the bullying would cease to exist. Sadly, that wasn’t the case. No matter what happened the administration failed to make any necessary moves. I may even go as far as to say that they helped make the bullying worse. The counselors, as well as the rest of the administration, came to believe that the only way to conquer the bullying would be to have me and my bullies talk it out. Of course, the bullies would deny that they said anything. After the counseling sessions the bullies would attack harder with their words and actions, they now started shoving me as hard as they could sometimes even in front of faculty who would just scold the bully and tell them not to do it again.
Once it was apparent that the bullying had seriously spun out of control the best the administration could offer was to have me come in and just talk. They didn’t try to take control of the situation. They didn’t do what people with authoritative power should have, instead they ignored a student in need of rescue.
Eventually, I began considering suicide. It seemed like an easy way out. A way to stop all of the pain. A way to finally feel truly happy again. Thankfully, I didn’t do it. But what if I had? What if I had ended my life early because of the actions of my peers and the actions of the adults in authority? My heart breaks just thinking about it.
I honestly don’t know what kept me going—but I did keep going. Eventually, my 9th grade year, I transferred to a new school and finally was accepted and, for once, felt extremely happy. The bullying was gone. People accepted, liked, and loved me. It was something I’d never had the blessing of feeling before.
Sadly, these teens, who have had their lives taken away, will never get to know how things could’ve been. They have had their lives stolen all because of bullying, all because somebody thought they were superior and almighty. Even though these teens took their own lives I believe that the bullies will be held accountable as well. They helped murder a soul. They helped murder someone’s will to go on. This is a tragedy. A real life tragedy that I guarantee you’ll be able to find in almost every school.
I am tired of turning on the news and hearing about another death due to bullying. My heart is breaking because this is something that can be so easily stopped. This is something that should never have had to happen. In part two of this blog, which will be posted soon, I will explore the bully and the reasons that bullying ,as well as suicide, has increased.
If you are a victim of bullying, please, hold on. I know how you feel—I’ve been there myself. Life is too precious to end, though. You have such potential. You can help change the world all because of these struggles you’re currently experiencing. We need you. The world isn’t going to be the same without you. Please, please, don’t give up. Help is here. The bullying will stop. Live your life. Go on and experience the beauty that is life. I guarantee that you’ll love every moment.
Life is Beautiful.

Each Grain of Sand

Have you ever read a quote and felt as if it were directed at you? If you’re anything like me, then you probably have. There’s one quote in particular by Kaleel Jamison that really smacked me in the face when I read it. This is how it goes, “Relationships - of all kinds - are like sand held in your hand.
Held loosely with an open hand, the sand remains where it is. The minute you close your hand and squeeze tightly to hold on, the sand trickles through your fingers. You may hold on to some of it, but most will be spilled. A relationship is like that. Held loosely, with respect and freedom for the other person, it is likely to remain intact. But hold too tightly, too possessively, and the relationship slips away and is lost.”
I’ve heard that quote several times in my life. I’ve always loved it...but I guess I’ve never really applied it. Recently, having let the quote slip away from my memory, I ran into it again. As I read it I felt like crying. The words were suddenly more powerful than they were the first time I read them. But alas, it opened up my eyes. I am now finally able to see my biggest problem, my biggest hang-up.
The quote, upon reading it again, took me back to my first love. She was the best thing to ever happen to me. I’d been patiently waiting for her and when she was finally my girlfriend…well…it felt like a dream. My love for her was so strong. But, unfortunately, my fear of losing her was too. I constantly worried that she wouldn’t want to be with me, that she’d find someone better and throw me to the curb. I was desperate to make sure that she’d be with me forever. That our love would never fail. I guess to put it in Kaleel’s words I closed my hand and began squeezing tightly to hold on only to see the sand trickling through my fingers.
Needless to say, the sand eventually disappeared from my hand. Our relationship was over. I had lost the one person I’ve ever truly loved. Looking back I am amazed at my mistakes. Everything I did was so possessive, suffocating. My insecurity became my biggest competitor. I became, in a sense, my own worst enemy.
Sadly, I still fight this problem. Almost every relationship I have ever been in has ended because of my fears, my insecurities. Who would’ve thought that one quote could open up someone’s eyes? It’s opened mine. Now I can see where I’ve gone wrong and what I need to do differently. It won’t be easy. But when has anything dealing with love been anything but difficult? I mean, that’s what makes love so amazing, the fact that you have to work at it each and every day.
I am saddened by the way many of my past relationships have been. But this is what life is about, learning from your mistakes, your flaws, and hopefully growing from them as well. I could say that I’m done and that love isn’t worth it. Sometimes I feel that way. But deep down inside I know that love is an amazing thing, the best feeling anyone could feel. So, to any of you that may be just like me, I say be strong. Keep your heads up and remember that you’re an amazing person who deserves someone that will treat you that way. I wish you nothing but love and happiness in your future and I hope that if you have any hang-ups, like me, you’ll try and work them out. Once you find the problem you can fix it. Nothing is impossible with the human mind. So, let’s use it to its fullest potential.
Life Is Beautiful.

Label Me Not

Label. You've heard the word before, right? You know that it has multiple meanings. Well, the definition of label I would like to talk about is how we, as human beings, label one another. I'm sure that at some point in your life, whether you've known of it or not, you have been labeled. I know that I have. I've been labeled as a "class clown," "loser," "preppy," "fag," and much, much more. Plus, I'm sure there are a lot of other labels I didn't hear put upon me.
I guess my main wonder is why? Why do we feel like we need to label each other? Why do we need to distinguish who's who on the label wheel? What gets me is that nobody likes to be labeled. Nobody. A label is so suppressive. It means that that's who you are, that's your depth. Tell me, how can one word or phrase describe one human being? We, as humans, are deep and complicated beings. We're not easily defined or understood. So, why then do we try to simplify something that cannot be simplified any further?
Now, I'm not saying that all labels are horrible and/or that we should abolish labeling. A lot of things are like coins, they have two sides. In other words, life is all about yin and yang. One thing can be used for good or for bad, like the Internet for example. So, furthering on the thought, it is alright for someone to define themselves as something. Many people will label themselves with their religious beliefs, their sexual orientation, and many more things. This labeling makes sense because it is merely clearing up a part of who they are. It's not saying that it's the whole package, it's just the surface of a very complicated being. This label is open, not like the other labels which tend to be open-ended.
Labeling others is never right. Let's just let that be known right now. If the person doesn't identify with that label, or even if they do, it shouldn't be used to describe who that person is and what their life is about. I honestly cannot think of one word to describe myself because one word wouldn't even give you a fraction of knowledge on who I am. I like that. I like that I am so special and unique that no label could really do me full justice. The same goes for you.
Now, I would like to tackle self-labeling in a negative light. I've had plenty of experience negatively labeling myself. "Loser, "ugly," "lacking," etc. Can't you see how horrible this is to your self-esteem? Yes, it kills when other people say these things about you but it obliterates when you say these things about yourself. I want to further on this thought later.
Let's stop labeling. Let's finally embrace each other for our differences. Who cares what someones sexuality is? What someones religion is? etc. Let's just love one another. Let's see the beauty that lies within each and everyone of us. A beauty that is inextinguishable. Let's forget our judgments, because when it all comes down to it that's all labeling is...judging one another. We all know who the real Judge is.
To any who have been labeled negatively I want you to know that you're amazing. You're a good person. God loves you. I love you. Enjoy your life and don't let labels distinguish you.
Life is Beautiful.

Life and Death

Life is short. I’m sure you’ve heard that saying before. I’ve heard it more times than I can remember. Another day is never guaranteed. The problems we, as humans, face are that we don’t know what we’ve got until it’s gone. We don’t fully recognize how blessed we are to have someone in our life until they’re gone.
This September I will be twenty years old, it’s kind of hard to believe. Life has just started speeding by ever since I turned eighteen. Now, as I reflect on my past, I am starting to ponder life more deeply—especially its opposite death. I feel like, although I do appreciate the people and things in my life, I don’t really see how good I have it. I am always focusing on my perceived flaws and what I don’t have compared to others—I’m sure most of you can relate to that feeling in some way. Sadly, that’s the most pettiest and worthless feeling to have. Nothing good comes of it. What do we gain if we feel incomplete within? What good does it do to wish you were someone else? Why not cherish who you are, accept it, and love it?
This life is a test. It’s a challenge. It’s not supposed to be easy. We’re going to have turbulence and sometimes we’re going to have to crash land. But we can endure. We can survive. We can persevere. I would now like to share with you a quote that pretty much sums the whole meaning of life up:

WHAT IS LIFE?
Life is an Adventure ... Dare it
Life is a Beauty ... Praise it
Life is a Challenge ... Meet it
Life is a Duty ... Perform it
Life is a Love ... Enjoy it
Life is a Tragedy ... Face it
Life is a Struggle ... Fight it
Life is a Promise ... Fulfill it
Life is a Game ... Play it
Life is a Gift ... Accept it
Life is a Journey ... Complete it
Life is a Mystery ... Unfold it
Life is a Goal ... Achieve it
Life is an Opportunity ... Take it
Life is a Puzzle ... Solve it
Life is a Song ... Sing it
Life is a Sorrow ... Overcome it
Life is a Spirit ... Realize it

Now, let’s talk about death—the word everyone hates to hear. In my nineteen years on this earth I’ve had many loved ones pass away. My Grandpa, Wesley Long, passed away when I was only two years old, my uncle, Valene, passed away shortly after my Grandpa, my Grandpa, Ray, passed away when I was around thirteen, my Grandma, Donna, passed away shortly after my Grandpa and I was fourteen, and my Grandma, RaNee, passed away when I was eighteen.
Life with no grandparents is very different. If you still have a Grandma or Grandpa alive I advise you to keep in contact with them. Cherish them. They can teach you many great things—no matter how much you already know. I would now like to share one of my favorite poems that describes how I feel about my grandparents:

I think of you often
and make no outward show,
But what it means to lose you,
no one will ever know
You wished no one farewell,
not even said good-bye,
You were gone before I knew it,
and only God knows why.
You are not forgotten
nor will you ever be,
As long as life and memories last,
I will remember thee.
To some you may be forgotten,
to others a part of the past,
But to me who loved you dearly,
your memories will always last.
Nothing can be more beautiful
than the memories I have of you.
To me, you were someone special,
God must have thought so too!
If tears could build a staircase
and memories a lane,
I would walk all the way to Heaven,
and bring you back again.

Death is sad only for those left behind—a sweet release for the one experiencing it. Yes, sometimes death comes untimely. It’s a tragedy. But, quoting Bhagavad Gita, “The end of birth is death; the end of death is birth: this is ordained! And mournest thou, Chief of the stalwart arm! For what befalls which could not otherwise befall?” In other words, there is life after death. Death is not the end. It, my friends, is only the beginning. We will see the ones we lost along the way again. We will reunite. That, in and of itself, brings more peace than anything.
I would like to share another beautiful quote with you from White Elk, “When you were born, you cried and the world rejoiced. Live your life so that when you die, the world cries and you rejoice.” Live for today because tomorrow may never come. Remember the ones you love who have passed on. Quoting Chief Dan George, “May the stars carry your sadness away, may the flowers fill your heart with beauty, may hope forever wipe away your tears, and, above all, may silence make you strong.”
In closing, I want to give my condolences and love to everyone that has lost someone they love. It is rough. No matter how much time goes by you will always miss them. But take great cheer and comfort in knowing that one day we all will reunite. As sour as dying can be—death is but a sweet release into another phase of life.
Life is Beautiful.

Universal Effects

Life is hard; we already know that personally and socially. Why, then, do we constantly persecute others? Almost 30% of youth in the United States (or over 5.7 million) are estimated to be involved in bullying as either a bully, a target of bullying, or both. (SafeYouth.org).
Sadly, most people who are bullied usually think, attempt, or commit suicide to find relief from the torture of everyday life. Shockingly, every 16 minutes someone in the United States takes their life. Approximately around 30,000 people commit suicide each year. Below is a tragic story about a girl who committed suicide due to someone's cruelty:
Megan Meier had had a rough life. Her 7th grade year in Jr. High was so hard that her Mom eventually decided to move her to a different school for 8th grade. Things looked like they were going to shape up. Soon, Megan decided she'd like to have a MySpace account, eager to make more friends. Reluctantly, her mother agreed. Quickly, she met Josh Evans, a 16 year old boy who lived in a nearby city and was home schooled. The two constantly talked online. Megan reported to her family that her "spirits lifted."
Unfortunately, Josh Evans was not a real person. He was Lori Drew, Megan's ex-best friend's Mother. On October 15, 2006, the tone of the messages changed, with Lori saying (via the account), "I don't know if I want to be friends with you anymore because I've heard that you are not very nice to your friends." Soon, Megan's letters were spread across the bulletins of MySpace, and more rude letters were sent to her from "Josh."
Adamantly, Christina Meier, Megan's Mother, ordered her to get offline and stay out of the fight. Megan, however, didn't listen, she wanted to defend herself. Eventually, she soon reported back to her Mother distraught from all of the hurtful things. Christina, however, soon became angry that her daughter didn't listen to her order to get off of the computer. After the argument Megan ran back up to her room. According to her father, Ronald Meier, and a neighbor who had discussed the hoax with Lori, the last message "Josh" sent read: "Everybody in O'Fallon knows how you are. You are a bad person and everybody hates you. Have a shitty rest of your life. The world would be a better place without you." Megan responded with a message reading: "You're the kind of boy a girl would kill herself over." She was found twenty minutes later, hanging by her neck in a closet. The following day she was pronounced dead.
Lori Drew had talked to fellow neighbors about the hoax and had laughed and said she wanted to, "Mess with Megan." Thankfully, Lori is now serving time in jail.
How could anyone do this? How could anyone be so cruel? Do we realize that everything we do has a universal impact? Here's another story:
A teenaged boy who was constantly picked on at school had had it. He couldn't take anymore. So, that day, he decided that after school he'd go home and kill himself. As he came to this decision he was tripped and dropped all of his textbooks. This only seemed to enforce the idea of suicide more powerfully through his head. That's when a real popular guy at the school stopped, bent down, and helped him pick up his books. He then said four easy, simplistic words, "Have a good day." He saved that boy's life, because after that incident he realized that there were still nice people out there. That popular boy didn't know, though, until years later at the High School Reunion when the bullied boy came up to him and told him.
Everything we do has a universal effect. Everything. Here is another story, this one is about me:
My Jr. High years, mainly 7th and 8th grade, were a huge struggle. People were constantly picking on me. I was constantly beat up and sexually harassed. I felt worthless.
There were times I’d come home trying to keep up my happy façade and then suddenly just break down and fall apart.
Despite all of the constant torment, however, I tried staying optimistic. I loved making people laugh, I just took pleasure in seeing joy on others faces. I’d go out of my way to make a new friend. Unfortunately, it was very rare to find anyone who really liked me. To most of the other students I was just something amusing, something to study and then discard into the trash. Day in and day out I was called a faggot, it didn’t help that I was also struggling with my own sexuality around then too. Faggot was my name, gay boy, too. Nobody, but a select few, wanted to associate with me.
One day, a particularly hard one, I was talking to one of my only friends when all of a sudden a guy, whom I had never met before, came up to me and started causing trouble.
After a few harsh words he soon pushed me as hard as he could into the door jam. I then fell to the ground, unable to defend myself. At that exact moment the bell rang and the halls were immediately filled with students. Everyone could see me lying there on the floor in pain—but no one cared.
The bruise, as you can imagine, was horrible. I couldn’t stop crying. I remember staying in the bathroom trying to debate if I should report the incident or not. Eventually, I decided I had to report it. When I reported the event, however, I was believed by some of the faculty but mostly I was accused of having started the fight. The school officer even went as far as to say that I pressed charges on the kid that that kid could file them on me and have a stronger case.
They all saw my back. They all knew that it was bruised from the top to the bottom, they even had documented pictures. And, if that wasn’t enough, they also had a recording of the actual event. The kid did get suspended, though many believed I should’ve been suspended instead. After that things just got ten times worse. I was the prime target for many people—even a few teachers.
For the first time I will admit that I did contemplate suicide. Several times I was more than ready to end it all, it could’ve been so easily done. I didn’t see a silver lining. I didn’t see a happy ending on the horizon. But, thankfully, Heavenly Father preserved me. He gave me the strength to endure. He gave me another chance to think things over.
I wish I could report that things eventually went well at that school and that people soon realized how wrong they’d been and apologized to me sincerely. But that’d be one big fat lie. However, the silver lining eventually came during my 9th grade year. After enduring immediate abuse at the beginning of the year we decided it was time to switch schools, the new school changed my life all for the better and gave me a newfound hope in humanity.
Having gone through being bullied I now know that everything we do is universal. What we do to others will impact them, either positively or negatively. So, I plead with you all let’s change the world. Let’s be kinder. When we change someone’s life, let it be because we did something for them that helped them out. If you want a change in the world it has to start with you. So, are you ready? Will you do the right thing?
Life is Beautiful.