Haunted by Bullying Part 1

As I write this blog I have to fight to hold back tears. The year is 2010, before long it will be 2011, so I guess that’s why I’m so broken up about this—to think that something like this could still be going on. What exactly am I talking about? Bullying. I’m sure you’ve heard recently about the gay teens who committed suicide due to bullying from their peers. These bullies were probably admired in their community. They were thought of as good people when, in harsh retrospect ,they helped destroy a life by the words they spoke and the violence they invoked.
These stories really hit home for me—because I, too, was a victim of bullying all throughout my Jr. High School years. I’m sure that you’ve heard that saying, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me,” well, I’m here to tell you that that saying is completely false. In reality, physical wounds inflicted will heal over time whereas the words that these bullies throw will stay with a person forever. I can still hear the voices of my bullies calling me harsh names, I can still see their faces as they looked at me like I was somehow less than human.
In Jr. High I was a class clown. I loved to make people laugh. If you weren’t laughing, I wasn’t doing my job right. If I could brighten up someone’s day then mine, in turn, would brighten. I always treated everyone with respect and tried to be friends with all I met. Unfortunately, a lot of people just didn’t like me. The first attack all of my bullies made was on my sexuality— “faggot,” “gay,” “homo,” “fairy.” I didn’t understand why they were saying these things. Honestly, I didn’t know anything about sexuality. I knew I had somewhat of an attraction to boys, but I assumed that was normal. I certainly never did anything that would’ve led anyone to believe I was gay. After they would attack my sexuality they’d go in for their next attack, my appearance—“ugly,” “fugly,” etc.
There were times I just began to quietly sob at my doorstep after school, trying to get all the tears out and put on a happy front so that no one would suspect I was miserable and hated waking up each day. One time I remember doing this and finally, once I was done crying, I wiped away the last tear and told myself to fake yet another smile. As I entered my home, though, and seen the drama that was taking place I broke down. I was so embarrassed. My family had enough problems without me bringing my own problems down on them. Needless to say, that’s when I came clean and told them what was happening at school.
The next day at school we made all the necessary moves to ensure that the bullying would be put to a stop. We spoke with my principal, assistant principal, guidance counselor, some faculty and the school cop—surely with this powerhouse of people the bullying would cease to exist. Sadly, that wasn’t the case. No matter what happened the administration failed to make any necessary moves. I may even go as far as to say that they helped make the bullying worse. The counselors, as well as the rest of the administration, came to believe that the only way to conquer the bullying would be to have me and my bullies talk it out. Of course, the bullies would deny that they said anything. After the counseling sessions the bullies would attack harder with their words and actions, they now started shoving me as hard as they could sometimes even in front of faculty who would just scold the bully and tell them not to do it again.
Once it was apparent that the bullying had seriously spun out of control the best the administration could offer was to have me come in and just talk. They didn’t try to take control of the situation. They didn’t do what people with authoritative power should have, instead they ignored a student in need of rescue.
Eventually, I began considering suicide. It seemed like an easy way out. A way to stop all of the pain. A way to finally feel truly happy again. Thankfully, I didn’t do it. But what if I had? What if I had ended my life early because of the actions of my peers and the actions of the adults in authority? My heart breaks just thinking about it.
I honestly don’t know what kept me going—but I did keep going. Eventually, my 9th grade year, I transferred to a new school and finally was accepted and, for once, felt extremely happy. The bullying was gone. People accepted, liked, and loved me. It was something I’d never had the blessing of feeling before.
Sadly, these teens, who have had their lives taken away, will never get to know how things could’ve been. They have had their lives stolen all because of bullying, all because somebody thought they were superior and almighty. Even though these teens took their own lives I believe that the bullies will be held accountable as well. They helped murder a soul. They helped murder someone’s will to go on. This is a tragedy. A real life tragedy that I guarantee you’ll be able to find in almost every school.
I am tired of turning on the news and hearing about another death due to bullying. My heart is breaking because this is something that can be so easily stopped. This is something that should never have had to happen. In part two of this blog, which will be posted soon, I will explore the bully and the reasons that bullying ,as well as suicide, has increased.
If you are a victim of bullying, please, hold on. I know how you feel—I’ve been there myself. Life is too precious to end, though. You have such potential. You can help change the world all because of these struggles you’re currently experiencing. We need you. The world isn’t going to be the same without you. Please, please, don’t give up. Help is here. The bullying will stop. Live your life. Go on and experience the beauty that is life. I guarantee that you’ll love every moment.
Life is Beautiful.